1. I've nothing against emoji in general or their cushions. I get that a symbolic language needs a scatalogical vocabulary too.
But why does anyone need a mass produced plush symbol of poo in their life?
2. It's not cute. Don't tell me it's cute.
3. The poo emoji cushion (PEC) is not transgressive. Are the owners perhaps planning to reenact scenes from Pink Flamingoes? Of course they aren't. That's because it's toilet humour at its most banal.
4. It's tailor-made for people to hilariously troll their 'friends'. Who will burn it the moment their back is turned.
5. Did I mention the smile? The way the PEC gawps vacantly at you from every second shop window. Brrrr.
6. At least Mr Hanky had the decency to only turn up at Christmas.
7. The PEC perhaps makes some of kind of parallel universe sense (?) as a plot to put a minion of Nurgle (the Chaos God of Pestilence and Plague from Warhammer 40K) on every sofa in the country. But that's not a world I want to live in, brothers and sisters.
8. Its only possible redemption is as a protest campaign tactic. If Arrested Development fans sent bananas to the network and stopped it being cancelled, imagine what impact sending poo cushions by the thousands could have on your target?