Butcher Babies caption competition results

Recently I wrote about Butcher Babies playing to the boob gallery in Metal Hammer and the rather sad things that says about the magazine, the band and the subculture, in that order of culpability.

Spleen vented, I invited you to provide satirical captions for the BB's poster in Metal Hammer, which looked like this.

I said I would include the best three entries, but since only four people entered, I decided to be a merciful judge and not consign one entry to the oblivion of obscurity. 

So, allow me to present your Butcher Babies poster-remixers with awe and gratitude: John, Rachel, Stef and Tom, thank you very much for brightening our day. And a metal NB: the last one is a Motley Crue reference, apparently.